Fan Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Red Wings and Blackhawks will play on New Year's Day at Wrigley Field. With ice on the field, Cub fans may better understand why success keeps slipping away.

A Fremantle fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Fremantle jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St Peter in an Eagles scarf.
"Hello, mate," says St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Fremantle fans in heaven."
"What?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard. No Fremantle fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Fremantle supporter.
"Oh, really?" says St Peter. "What have you done then?"
"Well," says the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in Africa."
"Oh," says St Peter. "Anything else?"
"Well, two weeks before I died, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay," says St Peter, "you wait here a minute while I more...

An elementary teacher started at a new school in Los Angeles. Trying to make a good connection with the students on her first day, she told her class that she was a Lakers fan. She asked if anyone else here was a Lakers fan? Everyone in the class raised their hand except one little girl. The teacher looked at the little girl with surprise, and asked: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

Mary replied: "Because I'm not a Lakers fan!"

The teacher felt a little competitive and asked: "Well, if you're not a Lakers fan, then whom do you support?"

"I'm a Sonics fan, and proud of it!" Mary replied, folding her little arms across her chest.

"Mary, why are you a Sonics fan?"

"Because my Mom and dad are from Seattle and my Mom is a Sonics fan and my dad is a Sonics fan, so I'm a Sonics fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, knowing she was loosing it, more...

Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some bushes. An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman. One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast. The Red Sox fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the Yankee fan put his over her crotch. They then called the police. The cop lifted up the Orioles cap, and made a few notes. He then lifted the Red Sox cap and made more notes. Then he lifted the Yankees cap, put it down, lifted it again and put it down. When he lifted it the third time the Yankee fan said, "What are you doing? Are you some kind of pervert, or what?" The cop said, I was just confused, usually when I see a Yankee cap, there's an asshole under it."

On a crowded tram going to the football game the fan resplendent in black and white colours had a large magpie tucked under his arm.
Sitting directly opposite, at face level with the magpie, was an old codger flaunting a scarf in the opposing team's colours. "They won't let you take a pig into the ground ya know," he said loudly
"It's not a pig, it's a magpie ya dick head," said the fan in the black and white scarf.
"I wasn't talking to you," said the old codger.

How To Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do
more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs

12. Turn off more...

ADAM & EVE
One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't
find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were
earlier. Adam said, "This morning Eve and I made love for the first time."
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve
now?"
Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."
"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."
THE EPIC OF THE BAKED BEAN
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always
caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them. The
reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they
would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and more...