Father Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy was listening to his kid say his nightly prayers.
The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa, and goodbye grandma."
The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird.
That night, the kid says "Good-
night mommy, daddy, and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies.
The father thinks this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight mommy, and goodbye daddy."
The father freaks. He's thinking I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work.
At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.
He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day." She says "YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!"

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jacobs kissed his wife and said 'I'm off to work, Lydia. The guy should be here soon.' Wouldn't you know it, a door-to-door baby photographer came by half an hour later, hoping to make a sale. Mrs. Jacobs answered the door. 'Good morning, ma'am. You don't know me, but I've come to...' 'Oh yes, I know why you're here. Harry told me you'd be coming soon.' 'He did? But I...' 'Come right in! No use wasting time .' 'Very well, then.' The photographer took out his briefcase and sat down. 'As you may already know, I've made a specialty of babies.' 'Good, I'm glad,' said Mrs. Jacobs. 'That's just what Harry and I were looking for.' 'I usually like to try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed,' said the photographer. 'The living room floor is fun too...you can really spread out.' 'Bathtub? Living room more...

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
AMDA: "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
AMDA: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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TEACHER: AMDON, go to the map and find North America.
AMDA: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: AMDON!
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TEACHER: AMDON, how do you spell "crocodile"?
AMDA: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
AMDA: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER: AMDON, give me a sentence starting with "I".
AMDA: I is...
TEACHER: No, AMDON. Always say, "I am."
AMDA: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER: "Can more...

A father and son went fishing one summer day. While they were out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him.
He asked his father, "Dad, how does this boat float?"
"Don't rightly know, son."
"Dad, how do fish breath underwater?"
"Don't rightly know, son."
"Dad, why is the sky blue?"
"Don't rightly know, son."
Eventually, after the boy asked his father several more questions, "Dad, do you mind me asking all these questions?"
"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you never learn anything."

Little Jimmy, Little Billy, and Jimmy's father were at an Art Museum. Little Jimmy was looking at a picture of someone in a carriage being pulled by a horse.
Little Jimmy brought his father over to look at the picture, and he asked his father, "Daddy, what is this?"
His dad replied, "Why, that is a horse-drawn carriage!"
Little Jimmy excitedly ran over to Little Billy, brought him back to the picture, and said, "Billy, a horse drew this picture!!"

A father was walking around the neighborhood with his son when they came upon two dogs involved in the procreative act.
"Father, what are they doing?" asked the little boy.
"They're making a puppy," the father said.
Later that night junior gets out of bed and goes to his parents' room to find them in the procreative act. "Daddy, what are you doing?" asks the son.
"We're making a baby," replied the father.
The little boy's says, "Well roll her over - I want a puppy!!!"

A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest...the grass was very thickand long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approachedthe Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00.The boy said "Thank you, virgin Father!"The priest replied, "What did you say?"The boy repeated, "Thank you, virgin Father!"The priest asked him, "Do you know what that means?"The boy replied, "Yes... tight ass!"