Fear Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?" "Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." more...

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?""Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.""No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.""Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning.""No, more...

Twas the night before Christmas and one thing was clear-
that old Yuletide spirit no longer was here
inflation was rising; the crime rate was tripling;
the fuel bills were up, and our mortgage was crippling;
I opened a beer as I watched TV,
where Donny sang "O Holy Night" to Marie;
the kids were in bed, getting sleep like they should;
or else they were stoned, which was almost as good.
While Ma with her ball-point was making a fuss
'bout folks we'd send cards to who'd sent none to us;
"Those ingrates," she thundered, and pounded her fist;
"Next year you can bet they'll be crossed off our list!"
When out in the yard came a deafening blare;
'twas our burgler alarm, and I hollered, "Who's there?"
I turned on the searchlight, which lit up the night,
and, armed with my handgun, beheld a strange sight.
Some red-suited clown with a white beard immense
was caught in our eight foot more...

Fear is just excitement in need of an attitude adjustment

Lazzy Airlines
-Passengers on a Lazzy flight heard this announcement from the captain:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lazzy Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an annoucement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and more...

Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
" They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
" This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."
" Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
" I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
" I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
" I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
" Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"The coffee machine is broken..."
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
". .. in Jesus' name. Amen."
You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if...
You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different more...

A woman had to do a lot of long distance travelling for her business. Having a strong fear of flying, she always made it a point to take her Bible along to read as she found it helped to relax her.
One day she found herself seated next to a man who gave a little chuckle when he saw her pull out her Bible and begin reading. After a while he turned to her and asked, "You don't actually believe all the stuff you read in there, do you?" "Yes, of course. It's the Bible," she replied.
"Then what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?" the man asked. "You mean Jonah. Yes, I believe that. It's in the Bible," she answered.
"So, how do you suppose he was able to survive all that time inside the whale?" asked the man. "I'm really not sure. I suppose when I get to heaven, I'll ask him," was her reply.
"And, if he's not in heaven?" asked the man, sarcastically.
"Then, you can ask him!" the more...