Female Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. Itwas a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenlythere was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?""Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.""Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title theassignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an evenlouder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funnyBilly?""Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe,"I don't want to see you for three weeks."Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. Soshe bends over to more...

A bear was chasing a rabbit around the woods, when the rabbit came across a magic frog. He said that if they stopped fighting he'd grant them 3 wishes each "Bear, you go first" the frog said. So the bear wished that all the bears in the wood except him were female. The rabbit then asked for a motorbike." poof, two wishes left." " duh, " thought the bear, "rabbit could have just asked for money and then he could have bought his own motorbike" So bear then wished that all the bears except him in the next wood were female too. The rabbit then asked for a motorcycle helmet, put it on and kickstarted the engine. The bear was shocked at how thick the rabbit was being, he could have asked for more money and bought his own
" Rabbit, your last wish" the frog said. The rabbit said: "I wish the bear was gay", and drove off into the distance.

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS
Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200
1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW
dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be more...

A guy from Czechslovakia was visiting his cousin the lawyer in California, and they went for a hike in Yellowstone Park. While they were hiking they were attacked by 2 bears, one male and one female. The male bear dismembered and ate the Czechslovakian guy, but the lawyer managed to escape.
He ran straight to the nearest Rangers station, and told them what had happened, and they sent out a group of rangers to see what was going on. Sure enough, the Rangers arrived at the place that the lawyer mentioned, and there were the female and the male bears.
So one of the Rangers took his rifle and shot the female. The lawyer turned to the ranger and asked "Why did you shoot the female? - it was the male that ate my friend"
So the Ranger replies "Would you believe a lawyer if he told you that the Czech is in the male?"

SAVE THE BOGAN (maximumus tightblackjeanus withmulletus)

First identified as a sub-species during the mid-70s, the Bogan is thought to be a close relation of the Booner (found in Canberra's outer suburbs) and the Westie (spread throughout Western Sydney). It is believed the initial Perth bogan population was introduced to purpose-built habitats such as Rockingham and Balga. However, by the mid-80s, the species had multiplied to plague proportions, spreading through much of Gosnells and outer-Mirrabooka. While authorities considered a culling program, they need not have bothered, as the regional population began a rapid decline from the early O90s onwards. The situation has now reached a critical point, with Bogans rarely sighted in Central Perth, and those remaining clinging to the region's outskirts.

In the year 2000, the species is now officially endangered. Identifying a Bogan is not difficult. Males sport a distinctive hair growth called a "mullet" more...

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from whence there came a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more broadly, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head!"

A tomcat told a female cat, "For you, I would die."
The female asked, "How many times?"
Then there was the young female dinosaur who became a "woman." She had her first century.
A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though. Even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.
Did y'all ever wonder why mice have such small balls?
Easy - very few of them can dance at all.
A Mother mouse and her baby were walking by a cave when a bat flew out. "Look Ma!" said the youngster, "An Angel."
You always hear that a camel can go 500 miles without water. How come nobody's ever bothered to see how far they can go WITH water.
A young teen studying sex education went to the zoo and saw her first kangaroo. As she was watching, a baby kangaroo stuck its head out of the Mother's pouch.
"Just as I suspected," the girl said to herself. "Caesareans do leave a nasty scar."
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