Female Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you put 30 female Apes and 30 male Apes in a bedroom, what do you have? A very large bedroom.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female inpersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Two men were in a pub. One man said, ''Did you know that beer contains female hormones?'' The other man said, ''No! Is it true?'' ''Yes,'' said the first man. ''If you drink too much, you start talking crap and you drive terribly.''

...and gets a call from a friend.
"I know this midget who wants to buy a horse. He has a slight speech impediment, so listen carefully, I'm sending him over." The Midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. "Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth. "Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes. "OK, what about the earsth?"
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears. "OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat." With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's twat, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!"

A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say,' Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have more...

Why Men Always Have Opinions, Even On Subjects They Know Nothing About In the animal kingdom, males
exhibit what is known as "display behavior" in order to attract females and to ward off rival males.
They thrust out their chests, ruffle their plummage, and generally try to appear more impressive than
they really are. On nature shows, this is comic. It appears comic, too, when it shows up among
humans: the guy in the Camaro with all the gold chains, say, or Vanilla Ice's haircut. It has been
discovered that display behavior is much more common among humans than had been previously believed.
Have you ever wondered why:
Men who have never been west of Kentucky can tell you about the mentality of the Japanese?
Men who can't pay their credit-card bills have a plan for dealing with the national debt?
Men who aren't on speaking terms with their families know how to achieve peace in the Middle
East?
Men who flunked high-school more...

There was a hooker who lives in LA who had two female parrets, and only thing parrots seem to know how to say is "We are hookers and we are here to F***. And there is no way the poor hooker was going to get them to say anything else.
So she went to the church one day and told the father of her problem and the father said that he has two male parrots and all they seem to know and do is pray all day long, and that if she were to bring her two parrots over, he can put them together and have the female parents to learn to pray instead.
So hooker thinking that this is a good idea, took the parrots over to the church. As soon as the father puts them into the cage with the males the two parrots said "We are hookes and we are here to F***."
The two male parrots looked at each other with sudden suprise and one tells the other quinching his rosary beads to "Brother stop this, our prayers are finally answered!"