Field Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.' Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

'Hey,' he called.' I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you guys wild rabbits?'

'Yes we are. We're so glad you escaped, welcome to freedom, please come and join us,' they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and after normal rabbit introductions, started eating the grass. It tasted so good.' What else do you free rabbits do?' he asked.

'Well,' one of them said.' You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.'

This, he couldn't more...

An old farmer is outside for a walk around his land when he sees a sign on his neighbour's lawn;' Horse for Sale'. Curious, he decides to have a look-see. As he approaches his neighbour's stable, he sees his old Italian friend brushing down a fine-looking stallion.

'Hello friend, I saw your sign out there and came over to see your horse for sale.' Now, the Italian farmer speaks very poor English, but manages to answer well enough.' Yep, yep, disa is da horse for-a sale.'

'This horse here?' quizzes the old farmer,' Why he's a fine horse! Why-ever would you sell him?'

'Well,' sighs the Italian farmer,' He no looka so good anymore.'

The old farmer, convinced that his neighbour has lost his mind, makes the sale and leads the horse across his field over to the stable. As he taps the horse gently on the back to coax him into the stable, he watches as the horse misses the door completely and smacks head first into the wall.' That ol' more...

One day air force one crashed on a farm. quickly the fbi came to investigate. they knew there were no survivors. they looked frantically through the wreckage to try and find the presidents body but it was no where to be found. there were only a few security guards. maybe the president hadn't died. maybe he had gotten out and went to get some help. in the next field over there was a farmer plowing his field like nothing had even happened. they quickly ran over to him.
fbi agent: excuse me sir, did you see that plane crash over there?
farmer: yessiree i certianly did.
fbi agent: did you see anyone get up and walk away?
farmer: nope, i buried them all this morning. didn't wantem stinkin up the place.
fbi agent: did you realize the president was on that plane?
farmer: yep, buried him too
fbi agent: you buried the president?
farmer: well he kept saying he was still alive but you know what a liar he is!

•Did you hear about Michael Jackson and the Boyscouts?................. he's up to two packs a day!
•Recently Michael opened an amusement park............... you have to be at least 4 feet tall to ride Michael!
•After Michael's terrible breakup he started playing the field.......... the little league field! •Why are Michael Jackson's pants so short?.................. they're not his!
•What do Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?.................. 39 year old meat between 11 year old buns!

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He asks, "And what are those?"
The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look,
"What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

1) Talking Cow
A city man was driving down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field
filled with cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking
at him. "I believe it's your radiator," said the cow.
The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and
knocked on the door. "Sir, a cow just gave me advice about my car!" he shouted, waving his arms
franticly back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the door frame to glance down the field. "Was it the cow
with two big black spots on it?" the farmer asked slowly. "Yes! Yes! That's the one!" the excited man
replied. "Oh. Well, that's Ethel," the farmer said, turning back to the man. "Don't pay no attention
to her...
"... She don't know a thing about cars."
2) Talking Horse
A more...