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I can't find a cause for your illness, the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.""In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."

Examples of unclear writing. Sentences taken from actual letters received by the Local Welfare Department from applicants.
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one was baptized on half a sheet of paper.
I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly.
I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
I am glad to report that my husband who was missing, is dead.
This is my eigth child. What are you going to do about it?
Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I now live with can't eat or do anything until he knows.
I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son as illeterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this more...

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

How Does a Person Decide Who to Marry?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." Kally, age 9
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Allan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then!" Cam, age 10
"No age is good to get married at... You got to be a fool to get married!" Freddie, age 6
How Can a Stranger Tell if Two People are Married?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to more...

Dharmaraj, the divine record keeper summoned Yamdoot, the messenger of death and ordered:' Go down and get the atma of Ram Lal. His time is up.'

Yamdoot went down and found Ram Lal. But however much he looked in Ram Lai's body, he could not find his atma. He reported back to Dharmaraj.

' How can that be?, demanded the record keeper.' Every person has to have a soul. Go and look more carefully.'

Yamdoot went back and looked more carefully but failed to find Ram Lal's soul.

Dharmaraj consulted his records and could find no entry of a human being without an atma.' What does this fellow Ram Lai do for a living?', he asked.

'He is some kind of a minister in the government,' replied Yamdoot.

'No wonder you couldn't find a soul in his body. Go back and look in his chair. That's where Indian politicians and ministers keep their atmas.'

A man walked into a hotel and asked for a room. The guy behind the counter said there is only one room left but it is haunted. The man does not believe this so he gets the room. That night the man hears a voice saying "I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna eat you!" The man runs away scared.
The next day a father and his daughter get the room after they were warned. That night they hear "I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna eat you!" The girl hides under the bed as the father follows the sound to the closet. He opens the door.
There on the floor sits a little boy, picking his nose, saying "I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna eat you!"

During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe
for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a
supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a
train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find
a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train
looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was
room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking,
older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
"Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked.
The lady was insulted. "You bloody Americans are so rude", she said,
"can't you see my dog is sitting there"?
He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat.
He found himself back at the same place.
"Lady I love dogs - have more...