Floor Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident"
Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married. When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

Some ways to make sure you get an interesting prescription:
1. Ask to borrow a comb, comb your tongue.
2. Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.
3. Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.
4. Bring pots and pans. Bang them together when he asks a question you don't like.
5. After everything he says, say, "And how does that make you feel?"
6. Point at random things and say, "Where did you get that?"
7. Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.
8. Repeat over and over, "I'm not hanging out with a bad influence, I AM a bad influence!"
9. Sit underneath your chair.
10. Stand on your head.
11. Kill spiders on the wall with your fist. Eat what sticks to your hand and leave the rest sticking to the wall. Draw a circle around it to make sure everyone sees it.
12. Never stop smiling.
13. Scream every word.
14. Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling. When he finally more...

A man has been down on his luck and has not been with a woman for a very long time and to make matters worse he only has 2 dollars to his name.
He goes to a local brothel and asks the owner if he can have a good time there for 2 dollars.
"2 dollars, I don't think so, beat it!" says the owner
The guy starts to cry and goes on to explain all that has been going on in his life.
The owner says "ok buddy, give me the 2 dollars and go to the second floor 3rd door on the right"
The man hands over his 2 dollars and goes to the room and when he enters the only thing in the room is a chicken. He ponders it for a bit looks around the room carefully to make sure no one is watching, once he finds out no one is watching he decides he is gong to have sex with the chicken. But alas as hard as he tries he can't catch the chicken and he finally gives up and leaves.
A few months later the guys luck has turned around and he has a well paying job. He returns to more...

Some ways to make sure you get an interesting prescription:1. Ask to borrow a comb, comb your tongue.2. Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.3. Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.4. Bring pots and pans. Bang them together when he asks a question you don't like.5. After everything he says, say, "And how does that make you feel?"6. Point at random things and say, "Where did you get that?"7. Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.8. Repeat over and over, "I'm not hanging out with a bad influence, I AM a bad influence!"9. Sit underneath your chair.10. Stand on your head.11. Kill spiders on the wall with your fist. Eat what sticks to your hand and leave the rest sticking to the wall. Draw a circle around it to make sure everyone sees it.12. Never stop smiling.13. Scream every word.14. Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling. When he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the chair. When he finally does, more...

Beer Troubleshooting ***
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. more...

If you like British humor! This is really good!
The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers".
Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father - a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's problem by impregnating the wife.
The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off. The government man should be here soon." Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the bell...
Ms Smith: "Good morning."
Salesman: "Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come to..."
Ms Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you.
Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a specialty of babies, especially twins."
Ms Smith: more...

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important".
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said: "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important".
The police said "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important".
"Well, who was it?"
"The more...