Food Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was an Air Force ICBM launch control officer in South Dakota. Two officers pulled 24-hour alerts in a launch control center that was surrounded by several Minuteman II silos. The facility and the silos were separated by several miles. We were not allowed to leave the "capsule" until relieved the next day, and we were supported by several on-site personnel in the support building upstairs. The capsules were Spartan, but each boasted a small refrigerator and a small microwave. On one tour of duty, the cook called down around lunch time and informed us that she was cleaning her oven and that hot food would be unavailable for a short time. Later, around supper time, she called down again and apologized that she had dismantled her oven to clean it, was having trouble reassembling it, and would again be unable to heat our food orders. We were somewhat annoyed, but, being the kinder, gent ler military officers we were, told her "No problem. Just send down the frozen meals more...

Rob and his new bride were on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to Rob, "I have a confession to make-I'm not a virgin."
So Rob replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was this guy?" "Ernie Els" his wife replied.
"Ernie Els the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
Rob and his wife then make passionate love. When they are done, Rob gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" says his wife.
Rob says, "I'm hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food."
"Ernie wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Ernie do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
So Rob puts down the phone and more...

A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room. - Do I have any choice here, he asks a sergeant. - Yes, you do. You may eat it or not.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called "a wedding cake".

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

Q: What do you call cheese thats not yours? A: Nacho cheese!

1. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
2. No food is allowed in the hall in high school.
In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
3. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
4. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at
the teacher's guide.
5. In college, there are no tardy slips.
6. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you
get to live with your friends.
7. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
8. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)
9. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to
choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the
prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
10. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your more...