Fool Jokes / Recent Jokes

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
when married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't
notice."

Twinkle Twinkle Little White Star
Your Bibi went to the Bazaar
There She Found a Real Manly Yar
A Shudra Goonda named Kallar!
His Big Black Cock from Malabar
Taught Her how Small Aryan Boys Are!
Now She's Run Off to Tranquebar
So Jerk Off like the Fool You Are!

In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to combine any two celebrities' overlapping names to create a new one. Some of our favorite entries:

Mr. T.S. Eliot: "I pity the fool, wanderin' around half-deserted streets, walkin' on beaches, talkin' about peaches, mournin' his lost manhood. I pity the fool."

Ponce de Leon Spinks: Boxer who searched in vain for the Fountain of Tooth

Fat Albert Einstein: "Hey{+3}."

Marion Barry Bonds: "The pitch set me up!"

Al Frankenstein's Monster: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, gosh darn it, I'm a big fat idiot."

Dean Martin Luther King: "I have a drink!"

Mullah Omartha Stewart: Currently hiding in a tastefully decorated cave.

Auntie Eminem: "Dorothy, git down in the cella/Cuz I ain't no Rockefella/I cain't take no persecutions/From you or them Lilliputians"

Benedict Arnold more...

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students "without passing through the minds of either".
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy: A more...

If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!
You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early.
A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
You’re nobody’s fool. Let’s see if we can get someone to adopt you.
They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?
You’re very smart. You have brains you never used.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
Eventually, you will get what you asked for.
Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?
You are so dishonest that I can’t even be sure that what you tell me are lies!
You have a good weapon against muggers - your face!
You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner!"- Lynda Montgomery"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." - Johnny Carson"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." - Paul RodriguezAnd from George Carlin... If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed? If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight? If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever? If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world? What's another word for thesaurus? If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck? Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him? When Dr. Kevorkian watches ER does he root against the more...

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, more...