Forgotten Jokes

Twas the night before Payback...
'Twas the night before Payback and all through the land,
The Taliban are running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osama's been praying, he's down on his knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.
He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us madder.
We haven't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your ass, with one heavy boot.
And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You'll soon get the answer if you live to hear.
And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They'll go down in history as the place where you died.
Remember Khadhafi and his line of death?
He came very close, to his final breath.
So come out and prove it, more...

there were these 3 nunes they got the weekend off.
Well they came back to the nune house and had to confess there sins.
The first nune said mother i need to confess my sins that i did this weeked and she said what was it- "i kissed a guy" your sin has been forgotten you may drink the holy water the 3rd one chucled a littel bit.
The 2nd nune came up and said mother I need to confess my sins and the mother nune said what did you do this weekend she said i wacthed a rated r movie. THe mother nune said your sin has been for gotten you may drink the holy water. THe 3rd one chuclked a liteel bit.
THEN IT WAS THE 3rd on to confess her sins and the mother nune said what kind of sin do you need to be forgotten about and the 3rd one said I PISSED IN THE HOLY WATER.

A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, "What size
condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."
The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him. She asked him what size, and he
stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said,"One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5."
A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought more...

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?"

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of idiot to forget to eat!

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my more...

Twas the night before Payback...'Twas the night before Payback and all through the land, The Taliban are running like rabbits in Afghanistan. Osama's been praying, he's down on his knees, He's hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas. He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and shatter, But all that he's done is just make us madder. We haven't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut, And we'll kick your ass, with one heavy boot. And yes we remember the USS Cole, And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole. You think you can rule us and cause us to fear, You'll soon get the answer if you live to hear. And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam, And he ain't forgotten the sound of our bombs. You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide, They'll go down in history as the place where you died. Remember Khadhafi and his line of death? He came very close, to his final breath. So come out and prove it, that you are a man, Cause our boys are coming and they have a plan. They are more...