Fred Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is butter made from imitation cows.

Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your grandma's bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.

This group of guys goes hunting every year, they stay in a cabin. they always put Fred in a room by himself because he snores so loud. one year there is a new guy with the group, but the only room they have for the new guy to sleep is in the room with Fred. the next morning Fred comes out of his room, eyes bloodshot, irritable, clearly a lack of sleep. the new guy comes out looking like he's had the best rest in his whole life. now the group of guys are confused! this has never happened before, it's usually the other way around! this continues night after night. finnaly one of the guys works up the nerve, and asks Fred whats going on? "well" he said. "I am asleep for a little while, when suddenly I wake up to the new guy blowing in my ear and patting me on the ass. then he goes and lays down and starts sleeping. there is no way I can sleep the rest of the night in the same room with that guy."

Fred! What did I say I'd do if I found you with your fingers in the butter again? That's funny, Mom. I can't remember either.

one sunny day 2 cowboys were riding alond lets call them fred and george. well anyway george says to fred, fred there is an indian follwing us n fred says ohh dont worry bout the indian hes a week away.
next morning george says to fred the indians still following cause and fred says to george dont worry bout him hes days away.
this continues for a couple of days so one morning as they are just bout ready to head off again into the sunset george says to fred fred the indians gettin really really close so fred says well shot him shot him!!
so george gets his gun aims and then says NO NO i cant shoot him. and fred lookin puzzled says why not? george says because ive know him since he was a week old!

A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?"
"Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..."
His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!"
Fred was completely silent.
After a long pause, the wife continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous! Fred simply will not ask for directions!"

When Fred was applying for a credit card, the manager of the credit card company asked him if he had much money in the bank. "I have," said Fred. "How much?" asked the manager. "I don't know exactly," said Fred, "I haven't shaken it lately."