Funny Puns Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.
What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing, it just shuts up.
What does Michael Jackson call his "Tickle-me Elmo" doll? Bait.
What goes "99 thump 99 thump 99 thump...?" A centipede with a wooden leg.
What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"? A watch dog.
What is a reptile's favorite movie? The Lizard of Oz.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing.
What kind of reptile tells time? A clock-odile.
What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk? Chocolate chimp cookies.
What magazine do cats like to read? Good Mousekeeping.
What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.
"Doc, I don't understand what's going on with me. It's really strange, sometimes I feel like a teepee."
The doctor thinks about it for a while and then urges the man to continue.
So, the man continues, "And sometimes I feel like a wigwam."
To which the doctor says, "I wouldn't worry about it, Fred, you're just two tents." (tense :)
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.
One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"
The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
"No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous...."
Sven was in front of the mall jewellery store when he spied Ole walking past carrying a small, gift-wrapped package.
"So vat did ja buy, Ole?"
Ole replied, "Tomorrow is Lena's birthday and she said she vanted something wit lots of diamonds."
"So vat did you get her?" asked Sven.
"A deck of cards!" replied Ole.
- Editor: Ole's funeral services will be held later this week.
There was a big moron and a little moron, sitting on a ledge. The big moron fell off. Why?
Because the little moron was a little more on.
Hey, have any of you heard of the kidnapping in the woods?
Yeah, well, it all turns out OK, though, since he woke up...