Future Jokes / Recent Jokes

Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.
The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities).
A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed at the more...

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him A little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and Not try to understand her at more...

•WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger•WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet•WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file •WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong•WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused•WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive•WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware•WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments•WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened•WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full•WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB•WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More! •WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside•WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside•WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened•WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers•WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh? •WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try more...

MICROSOFT TV DINNER PRODUCT INSERT
Unknown
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you
agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV
dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner
(which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's
rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your
dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the
oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
Then enter:
|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme>.
If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start.
The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which
case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple
procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter
. This process
may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and
then doing a cold reboot. If this more...

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of' 97: Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas
the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering
experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But
trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in
a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how
fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossedyour
worried mind, the kind that blindside you at more...

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the more...

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the more...