Gallon Jokes / Recent Jokes

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it. SECOND, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there's a woman up-stairs who's ever had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.
Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the requirements get crazier from there.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.
Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and more...

IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT...
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint more...

So, you think a gallon of gasoline is expensive? Well! !!
Here are a few things that Autoweek brought to our attention to compare.
This is what it costs to buy a gallon of...
Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1. 29 equals $10. 32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1. 19 equals $ 9. 52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz for $1. 59 equals $ 10. 17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1. 25 equals $ 10. 00 per gallon
Quart of milk 16 oz for $1. 59 equals $ 6. 32 per gallon
STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3. 15 equals $ 33. 60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz for $8. 35 equals $ 178. 13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3. 85 equals $123. 20 per gallon
Whiteout 7oz for $1. 39 equals $254. 17 per gallon
Scope 1. 5oz for $0. 99 equals $ 84. 84 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER......
Evian water 9 oz for $1. 49 equals $ 21. 19 per gallon... $21. 19 FOR WATER! !
You get the idea?? So next time you're at the gas pump, be glad your vehicle more...

This wife has been married for seven years and has
six kids and is tired of being pregnant. So, she goes
to talk to her priest, the priest tells her to go and
by a ten gallon bucket and stick her feet in it of a night,
she thanks him and goes off to do as he says.
Well six months later the priest sees her and sure enough
she is pregnant again. The priest asks her if she followed
his instructions, she said yes but that she could not find
a ten gallon bucket so she bought two five gallon buckets.

It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple. One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job. He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint. It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint. That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the oth er three sides had washed away. The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I more...