Gallon Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman walks into an ice cream parlor and tells the guy behind the counter,
"I'd like a gallon of chocolate ice cream."
The counter man says, "I know that this may sound strange, but we don't have
any chocolate ice cream. We ran out and the delivery truck hasn't arrived yet."
She says, "In that case, I'll have half a gallon of chocolate ice cream."
"Ma'am, I just told you that I'm sorry, we don't have any chocolate ice cream."
"Okay, then I'll have a pint of chocolate ice cream."
"Look lady, I said we don't have ANY chocolate ice cream."
"That's okay, I'll have an ice cream cone with two scoops of chocolate."
The counter man is absolutely livid and says, "Lady, how do you spell the
'straw' in strawberry?"
She says, "S-T-R-A-W."
"Right, now how do you spell the' van' in vanilla?"
"V-A-N."
"Great, now more...

IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT. . . Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price? Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon. Customer: What's the difference in the paint? Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint. Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint. Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint? Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off. Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint. Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint? Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday. Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding! Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available. Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it! more...

BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?
Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.
Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE
Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.
Customer: Depends on what?
Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.
Customer: How about giving me an average price?
Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.
Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for more...

It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple.
One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job.
He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint.
It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.
That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away.
The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, more...

A man walks into bar, sits on a nearby stool and ganders at a large jug of money. Upon pondering, he asks the bartender, "How much money is in there?"
The bartender, with a gentle smile replied, "26,000,000.."
The man jumped up with his eyes about ready to emerge from their sockets. He asked, "So is it for the poor? Or is it lika a charity?"
The bartender shook his head."No no no! That money is for the first person to complete three tasks."
A little curious, the man said, "Is that so? Well, I'm sure I could get them done, so what are they?"
Grinning slightly, the bartender replied, "First task: You must chug down a 5 gallon bucket of beer. Second task: You must pull a rotten tooth from a wolf with rabies. Then for your final task, you must have sex with a 100 year old grandmother located upstairs."
The man gulped a little, but replied, "Well, that still sounds like a deal!"
The man more...