George Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country.
Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed. Again, before the order was given Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again, the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking, "I see the pattern here; just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall". He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction, he grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"

George and his wife were staying up to listen to the cricket report from Australia which finally came through.

'Ninety six all out!' moaned George.

'I don't know what more to expect,' replied his wife.' Our boys aren't used to playing in the middle of the night!'

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM
SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
(Time Limit: 3 Weeks)
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient
Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature,
law and social conditions
-OR-
give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (please check
only one answer)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is
0. 0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is
on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given?
(approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north
called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- more...

The Bush
George W. Bush Jr was in an airport lobby and noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George Bush approached the man and inquired, "Aren`t you Moses."
The man ignored George and stared at the ceiling.
George Bush positioned himself more directly in the man`s view and asked again, "Aren`t you Moses".
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George tugged at the man`s sleeve and asked once again, "Aren`t you Moses".
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".
George asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert".

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $400,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can't remember... is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember... is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS more...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him. Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they? George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge! (silence) Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

Q. What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.'s?
A. Drool.