God Jokes / Recent Jokes

A white man and a black man were arguing vehemently about whether God was black or white.
"God, is white!" insisted the white man.
"No way," replied the black man, "I'm sure God's black."
"I'll prove to you God is white," said the white man, "Come with me."
Both men, thereupon, made the long ascension to the top of Mt. Sinai.
The white man called out, "God, hear my prayer! Please tell us what color
you are!"
From the heavens came down a booming voice. "I AM WHAT I AM!" echoed all over the mountain.
"There, you see!" said the white man, "God, is definitely white!"
"Well, how do you know God is white from what he said?"
"Well," remarked the white man, quite impatient at this point, "If God were black he would have said `AH IS WHAT AH IS.'"

Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second.

There was a very religious man named Jim, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Jim to get in the boat with him.
Jim said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
So, the man in the boat drove off.
The water rose higher, so Jim climbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jim to get in.
Jim replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
The person in the boat then left.
The water rose even more, and Jim climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.
Jim said, "That's okay."
The woman said, "Are you sure?"
Jim replied, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me."
Finally, the more...

Jesus was a Liberal
Jesus is Coming, Look Busy
Just say no to sex with pro-lifers
Hatred is not a family value
Guns don't kill people, radical pro-lifers kill people
If Christ is the answer, what was the question?
My karma ran over your dogma
God, protect me from your followers
Heart Attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends
God is Coming and Is She Pissed
Minds are like Parachutes: They only function when open
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools
You will never find an atheist in a foxhole!

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind. Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news. . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have good news and terrible news. The first is that there "is" a God. The second is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First, God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the more...

God says to Adam, "I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?" Adam says, "Tell me the good news first."

God says, "I`m going to give you a penis and a brain. You`ll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect."

Adam replies, "Wonderful! But what`s the bad news?"

God says, "I`m only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at a time."

Over Heard at church last Sunday....
Told to the congregation buy the minister
This young couple die in a car accident a week before they are to be
married. So on to heaven they go. Once there they explain to St. Peter
that they were going to be married next week and could they still be
married in heaven. St. Peter says "Ok I will look into this and check it
out with God and get back to you" Time passes and finally on day St. Peter calls the couple to his A few months go buy and the couple go
back to St. Peter and ask him again about their request,. St. Peter told
them that it was ok with God that they get married, "But you will have to
wait until I get every thing ready".
Time passes and office and tells them they can be married this afternoon. Elated the
couple asks "What if we are unhappy and want to get a divorce". St.
Peter exclaims "Divorce!! It's taken me a year and a half to find more...