God Jokes / Recent Jokes

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country and on each house I saw a banner." "What did it say on the banners?" Clinton asks. Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah." Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner." "What could you see on the banners?" Saddam asks. Clinton replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."

God is talking to one of his angels.
He says, "Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."
The angel says, "What are you going to do now?"
God says, "Call it a day."

Written by a Viet Nam VetGOD BLESS AMERICA!"In Memory of The Twin Towers"Warning song to Osama bin Laden(the tune of Rawhide)The devil came from nowhereHe attacked us from the sky. He bloodied up our nationdidn't give a reason why. Now he's placed a spear in our eyesaid its done it Allahs nameSo God's coming lookin for himAnd he's got himself to blame. No more runnin, no more hiding, there's no place for you to goFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn't movin slow. You defiled the love of all mankind without a single thoughtAnd the world is coming for you now with everything its got. Just go hidin in your hillsYou'll be buried in your caves. You'll get what you've got comin nowFor being Satans slaves. You've woke the sleeping giantFrom his legendary sleepNow with open roar like lionsThere's one promise he will keepNo more runnin, no more hiding, there's no place for you to goFor the wrath of God is coming and he isn't movin slow. You've defiled the love of all mankind more...

A middle age woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operation table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43years, 2 months and 8 days to live.
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone to come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She got out of the hospital, after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

Three Kids Were Playing. When The Conversation Began- First Kid: Oh God, I Want A Room Full Of Toys.
Second Kid: I Want A Room Full Of Chocolates.
Third Kid: Oh God, Please Grant The Keys Of Both These Rooms.

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" The rest is history...

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam "What's wrong?" Adam said he didn't have a anyone to talk to.

So God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be woman. He said this person would cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you have a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed.

Adam asked God, "what would a woman like this cost?"

God said,"An arm and leg."

Adam said,"What can I get for a rib?"

The rest is history.