Golfing Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such a great afternoon makes a suggestion.
"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."
He thinks this over and decides that it will work. With his wife holding open the barn door he lines up with the hole and gives the ball a terrific "whack"! The ball shoots through the air and right into the head of his wife, killing her instantly.
Months go by, the man mourning all the while. His friends, hating to see him in such a state, convince him to go golfing with them. more...

Jesus, Moses, and an old man were golfing one day. Moses teed off first and hit a wicked slice into the pond. Unflustered, Moses walked down to the pond, raised his staff (er, club) and the waters parted. Moses walked to his ball and chipped it up onto the green.
Jesus was up next and hit the same ugly slice into the pond. But when the ball hit the water, it didn't sink. Jesus walked across the water to the ball, and calmly chipped it up onto the green.
The old man went next, and sure enough he hit the same slice towards the pond. But just before the ball could hit the water a fish leaped up and caught the ball in its mouth. A huge bird swooped out of the sky and caught the fish in its mighty talons. As the bird flew over the green, a lightening bolt flashed out of the sky and hit the bird. The fish dropped from the sky, and landed on the green. The ball popped out of the fish's mouth and rolled into the cup for a hole-in-one.
At this, Jesus turned to the old man and more...

Jesus, Moses, and and old man go golfing. Jesus hits his ball into the water hazard. He walks on the water, hits his ball, and gets a two.
Moses hits his ball into the water hazard, parts the water, hits his ball, and gets a two.
Tho old man hits his ball two feet, a bird picks it up, drops it two inches from the hole, and a rabbit bumps it in and he gets a hole in one.
Then Moses turns to Jesus, and says, "why do you always have to bring your old man golfing with us?"

One day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Jim calls out to his golfing partner in excitement, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here." Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?" Jim shouts back in a nervous voice, "Throw me my 7-iron... You can't get out of here with an 8-iron!"

Three men are golfing. There is Jesus, Moses and an old man.
They've been pretty evenly matched until they arrive at the 11 hole to find a huge water trap. Moses tees up, and smacks that ball right out into the middle of the trap. Without a second thought he parts the water, hits the ball and gets it on the fairway, one stroke from the green.
Then Jesus tees up. He smacks his ball right into the middle of the water trap. Without a second thought he walks out on the water, and hits that ball right onto the green.
Finally the old man tees up. He hits the ball into the water trap.
A fish swims up from the bottom of the trap with the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, picks up the fish and carries it over the hole, where the fish drops the ball and it plops into the hole. Jesus looks at the old man as Moses pencils another 1 in the old man's card. "Alright Dad, stop showing off"!

One day a man was golfing when he forgot what hole he was on.
So he went up to the women in front of him and said "Miss im sorry to bother you but i seem to have forgotten what hole im on could you help me?"
The lady in reply said "yes im on the 5th hole and your one hole behind me so you must be on the 4th."
The man said thanks and went on playing.
Later it happened again so he went to the lady and asked her what hole he was on and she said" Im on the 12 hole and your one hole behind me so you must be on the 11th.
Again the man said thanks and went on playing.
Later after the man had finished golfing he went to the clubhouse to get a beer when he saw the lady sitting at the bar. He went up joined her and started a conversation.
He asked her what she does and she said "im a saleswoman.
Suprised he said i am too
He asked her what he sold and she said if i told you you would only laugh he said no i wont i swear.
so more...

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes." The man says "I can`t take anything from you, I`m just glad I didn`t hurt you too badly," and walks away. Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I`ll give him the three things that I would want. I`ll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life." Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out more...