Grade Jokes / Recent Jokes

Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girls house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!" The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football.The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah". The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his most private of parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?" So more...

junior: Is never in bed past noon. Senior: Is never out of bed before noon. junior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut. Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend. junior: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall. Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class. junior: Calls the professor "Teacher." Senior: Calls the professor "Bob." junior: Would walk ten miles to get to class. Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away. junior: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade. Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade. junior: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university. Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually. junior: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed. Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand. junior Has to ask where the computer labs are. Senior: Has own more...

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman.""Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation. Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

Do you speak? As Asian Americans, we hear that a lot, don't we? I know I do! And it's a double edged sword too! Sometimes I get the feeling that we, as AA's, are suppose to maintain dual identities due only to our physical appearances. Here's what I mean: During our winter 1996 touring season, the 18 Mighty Mountain Warriors were fortunate enough to go to Hong Kong to perform at the Annual Fringe Festival. I thought: "Wow! This is great! We're going some place where WE are the majority!" (Although I must confess, the feeling wasn't too different from being in Chinatown). The trip was fun and rewarding, but one thing stood out for me: At the Hong Kong Fringe Club everyone, including Chinese, came up to us and automatically communicated in English. After a few minutes the local Hong Kong citizens would ask "Do you speak?" "Do I speak?". .. I was speaking to them right there, wasn't I? Did it matter that I was Chinese American and they were Chinese British more...

Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.

Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.

Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.

Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."

Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it`s more than three blocks away.

Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor`s habits to get a good grade.

Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.

Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a more...

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I`m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I`m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal`s office.
While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnny: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnny: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know.
The principal more...

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife,' till the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?"
"Stay more...