Grains Jokes / Recent Jokes

by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
11. Instead of getting a fork, knife, and spoon, get three spoons. Cut your meat with them and pretend not to notice.
12. Do not to use glasses. Anytime you feel like having a drink, go up to the liquid dispenser, wrap your mouth around it, and press the button. Complain that it goes too fast.
13. Burp to the tune of Jingle Bells.
14. Stand next to the salad bar. Every time someone reaches for some food, yell, "Hey!" and shake your head.
15. Remark on how the food's sanitation is open to question. Recall the time you saw the chef blow snot rocks into the food "for seasoning." Ask the person next to you to be your Food Tester.
16. Enter the dining hall half naked. If you're not immediately removed from the premises, sit next to someone eating. Ask him or her how they're enjoying their meal.
17. Ask how the lettuce was more...

there is this guy with 5million grains of sand and his friend with 5million grains of sand to the guy says I want you sand becaus youve got more than me

Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Insert into your nostrils. Inhale your food.
Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.
Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.
After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"
Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.
Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch' em and proceed to make this meal yourself.
After finishing your more...

Customer(jokingly)to waiter in the hotel: bring me a plate of veg chicken.
Waiter: right away sir
After some time... Waiter: here's your order sir
Customer(out of astonishment): is this chicken really vegetarian?
Waiter: yes sir it ate only grains!

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not far from here, a King summoned two of
his advisors for a test. He showed them both a shiny metal box with two
slots in the top, a control knob and a lever.
"What do you think it is," he asked.
One advisor, an Engineer, answered first. "It is a toaster," he said.
The King then asked, "How would you design an embedded computer for it?"
The Engineer replied, "Using a four-bit microcontroller. I would write a
simple program that reads the darkness knob and quantizes its position to
one of sixteen shades of darkness: from snow white to coal black. The
program would use that darkness level as the index to a sixteen-element
table of initial timer values. Then it would turn on the heating elements
and start the timer with the initial value selected from the table. At the
end of the timer delay it would turn off the heat and pop up the toast.
Come back next week, and I'll more...