Grandfather Jokes / Recent Jokes

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm whenone day he walks out behind the barn and sees hisgrandfather playing with himself. The boy says, "What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?" Grandpa replies, "No sonny, just jacking!"

In a family the greatgrandfather, grandfather, father, and the son who was a little child were all found to be liars. However, since the greatgrandfather was a politician, it was in his nature to tell lies; since the grandfather was a lawyer, he was professionally required to tell lies; and since the father was a doctor, he had to lie to his patients. Only the poor child seemed to have no excuse.

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?""Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk."That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

During a neighborhood party, Joe got into an argument with his neighbor, about presidential politics. Finally, the neighbor asked me why Joe was such a dedicated Republican.
Joe told him that his father and grandfather were both Republicans and he was carrying on the family tradition.
"That's it?" said the exasperated neighbor. "What if your father and
grandfather had been horse thieves?"
"Well..." Joe replied, "I suppose then I'd be a Democrat like you."

A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said "Kramer, your grandmother died." The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, "You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you." The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor's grandfather had passsed away. The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, "Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor!"

A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said “Kramer, your grandmother died. ”
The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, “You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you. ”
The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor’s grandfather had passsed away.
The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, “Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor! ”