Grapes Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little duck entered a bar one day and sauntered up to the bartender. "Got any gwapes?" the duck asked.
"No, sorry," the bartender replied. The duck left the bar, disappointed.
The next day, the duck walked into the bar again and asked, "Got any gwapes?"
"I told you yesterday, no, I don't!' the bartender answered angrily. The duck left, even more disappointed.
The following day, the duck walked into the bar again and asked, "Got any gwapes?"
"No! I told you, I do not have any grapes. If you dare to come in here one more time and ask for grapes, I'm going to nail your feet to the floor!" bellowed the bartender.
The next day, the duck waddled into the bar yet again. As the bartender eyed him suspiciously, he asked, "Go any nails?"
"No, why?" asked the bewildered bartender.
"Got any gwapes, then?" asked the duck.

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"

So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.

The head headhunter says "If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back"

So the hikers did that and came back.

The head head hunter said "Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass."

So the first hiker has apples... Ok, apples it shouldn't be too hard.
1 up okay... 2 up the hiker starts screeming, so the headhunters chop off his head.

The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy!
1 up okay... 2 up fine... 3... 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.

So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples askes the hiker who had the grapes "What happened... more...

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell:' 'Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks,' 'Got any nails?''

Confused, the bartender says no.

' 'Good!'' says the duck.' 'Got any grapes?''

On day two budies had no place to stay in. They saw a farm and decided to stay there.They knocked on the door and a elderly scottish man answered.The two budies asked
can they stay over one night.The old scottish man repieid "
Yes, but you cant touch me daughter"
.So they stayed, and ingnoring the old dudes request they had sex with his 18 year old daughter.The old guy found out and the next day he told the guys to go out and bring back their favorite fruit.They did so.One came back with ten grapes.The scottish man said"
I found out you and your friend did touch me daughter, now you will pay!"
The old guy got the ten grapes and stuck them up the guys ass.The poor guy was screaming.But then he started laughing.The old guy said "
Why are you laughing! I just pushed ten grapes up you ass!"
The guy said"
Its that my freind is out there getting a watermellon"
.