Guinness Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a pub and says, “Give me three pints of Guinness, please. ”
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low. ”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too and we’re drinking together. ”
The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers as soon as he enters in the bar. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them, then orders two more. The bartender sadly says, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that more...

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda, no."
"No?"
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."2

There's a big conference of beer producers in the most beautiful town in the world: Amsterdam, the Netherlands.
At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.
Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke! "Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.
"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, than neither will I."

An Irish guy is walking along the coast when he spies a old-fashioned lamp lying on the beach. He picks it up, and in wiping the off the sand, manages to release a genie! Of course the genie grants him three wishes.

For his first wish, the Irishman asks for a bottle of Guinness that never runs dry, and *poof* he's holding a bottle. He takes a swig of some of the best Guinness he's ever tasted! After a few more swigs he notices that sure enough, the bottle is still full. So he sits there on a rock, drinking and enjoying his magical bottle of stout.

The genie, getting bored watching the Irishman drink, prompts, "You have another two wishes, you know..."

"Oh, that's right!" says the Irishman. "Gimme a couple more just like this one!"

One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says “You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I’m gonna go over there and talk to him. ” So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. “Excuse me sir” he starts, “but I noticed you look just like me! ” The second man turns around and says “Yeah, I noticed the same thing. Where you from? ” “I’m from Dublin” came the reply. “Me too! What street do you live on? ” “McCarthy street” The second man replies, “Me too! What number is it? ” “162? the first man replies. “Me too! What are your parents names? ” “Connor and Shannon” The second man, almost dumbfounded says, “Mine too! This is unbelievable! ” So, they buy some more Guinness and they’re talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks “What’s new today? ” “Oh more...

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. Ill give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texans offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya dont mind me askin, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?". The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?".

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it more...