Hall Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Quarters are like gold.

2. Be creative in the dining hall.

3. Flipflops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc.

4. You will never find so many excuses for a bucket.

5. Asleep by 2: 30 am is an early night.

6. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben Jerry`s, Ho-Hos and Oreos

7. Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.

8. Duct tape heals all wounds. (If not, scotch or masking tape will suffice for awhile.)

9. Showers become less important.

10. Sleep becomes more important.

11. Two meals a day are standard. One for some!

12. Recycling becomes synonomous with laundry ("Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas... there`s only a *little* bit of mud on them...").

13. You can never make too many meals in a hot pot (or pizelle maker).

14. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class more...

Jerry is watching the end of an intense baseball game when his wife taps him on the shoulder and asks,' Honey, could you fix the front steps? They're ready to collapse.' He sighs and says,' After the game, Flo.' Flo grinds her teeth. She nearly broke her neck climbing those stupid stairs and all he cares about is his stupid baseball game.' Well, could you fix the light in the hall? It's been flickering for weeks.' He sighs and says,' Darn it, Flo, I'm a sports fan, not an electrician. Call Joe Burkes to fix it.' Flo counters:' Can you fix the fridge door, then? It won't shut.' Jerry turns to talk to her and misses the game-winning homer. He turns back to the screen and sees people celebrating and carrying on. He wants to swear. Instead he says,' You want me to fix the fridge? Who do I look like, the Maytag Repairman?' She opens her mouth and he hushes her silent.' I need to cool down,' he says.' I'm going out.' Jerry goes to his favorite watering hole and drinks for about an hour. more...

by Joe Mullich, AmericanWay Magazine, November 15, 1994
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house, only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers, and you butt in to correct him and spend the more...

Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new secretary (a very attractive blonde, of course?) in the office down the hall from me. She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work, can you help me ?" she asked.
I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.
"Oh, you mean the condom!", she said.
"Condom???", I asked.
"Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."
By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The more...

there was a carpender putting down carrpot for a lady and he steped outside to smoke to find his sigorets were mising so he went back in and saw a lump under the carpot then he thought to himself theres no sense to pull out the carpt for 1 pack of cigorets so he got out his hammer and started to hamer the lump then the lady came out of the hall and said "I found your cigorets in the hall now only if i can find my parrot"

After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her pupils how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:
We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on big three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear name tags because they don't know who they are. They go to a big building, called a wrecked hall, but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed, because its alright now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good.
There is a swimming pool there. They go into it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.
As you go into their park, their is a doll house with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they sneak out they go to the beach more...

1. Pray here often?
2. I must have great kavanah, because I think my prayers have just been answered.
3. This Social Hall may have been dedicated in 1946, but I've been dedicated to you ever since you entered the room.
4. Hagbah is easy but picking up a girl like you is intimidating.
5. I see you are using the new linear siddur. Does that mean a lame one-liner might work on you?
6. You are the reason we need a mechiztah in this shul.
7. Since we're in a beis knesset, do I have a chance of getting to base with you?
8. The rabbi's sermons can put people to sleep. Care to hear his shiur together?
9. You know, I had my bris down the hall in this shul. Want to see where?
10. Don't let my tallis-bag fool you - I got it for my Bar-Mitzvah.
11. This kiddush ginger-ale is quite flat. Unlike you.
12. Just like the Ner Tamid, my love for you burns eternal.
13. Isn't this conspicuosly funny
14. Like the tenth man to make a minyan, more...