Happiness Jokes / Recent Jokes

Money can't buy happiness but it keeps the kids in touch!

MARRIAGE Dictionary
Bachelor: 1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
3) A man who every morning comes to work from a different direction.
4) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
5) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
6) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
7) A selfish guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
8) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Bridegroom: A gent who exchanges living quarters for a better half.
Cad: A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.
Childish game: One at which your spouse beats you.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would more...

The friends of the bride decided to give the newlyweds a tape recording of the couple making love on their honeymoon night as a gag wedding gift. They accomplished this by hiding a tape recording under the newlywed's bed that evening. Before they gave the recorded tape to her, they played the tape and heard her moaning to her new husband, "That's happiness! That's happiness!" But her voice sounded funny and they discovered that they were playing the tape at the wrong speed. When they slowed the tape down to the correct pitch, they were surprised to hear her shouting at him, "That's a penis?! That's a penis?!"

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law... on a milk carton.

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law on a milk carton.

Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

> We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,
> have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old
> enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated
> that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they
> are out of that stage.
>
> We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets
> his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice
> vacation, when we retire.
>
>The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If
> not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best
> to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
>
> One of my favourite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a
> long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.
>
> But there was always some obstacle in the more...