Hate Jokes / Recent Jokes
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.
"I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man."To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."
The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either." - Jack Benny
"When I was born I was so surprised that I didn't talk for a year and a half." - Gracie Allen
"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has-been was once an are." - Milton Berle
"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples." - George Burns
"You're never too old to become younger." - Mae West
"I hate the theatre. I also hate the sight of blood, but it's in my veins." - Charlie Chaplin
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age." - Lucille Ball
"I don't feel more...
To hate a person is a waste; half the people you hate don't care, and the other half don't know.
Here I am at Camp Grenada. Camp is very entertaining, and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining. I went hiking with Joe Spivy. He developed poison ivy. You remember Leonard Skinner; he got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.
All the counselors, hate the waiters, and the lake has alligators. And the head coach was no sissy, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses. Now I don't want this to scare ya. But my bunkmate has malaria. You remember Jeffrey Hardy... They're about to organize a search party.
Take me home, oh mother, father. Take me home, I hate Grenada. Don't leave me out in the forest where I might get eaten by a bear. Take me home, I promise I will not make noise or mess the house with other boys. Oh please, don't make me stay! I've been here one whole day.
Dearest father, darling mother, how's my precious little brother? Let me come home if you miss me. I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me...
Wait a minute... It stopped more...
Here I am at Camp Grenada. Camp is very entertaining, and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining. I went hiking with Joe Spivy. He developed poison ivy. You remember Leonard Skinner; he got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.All the counselors, hate the waiters, and the lake has alligators. And the head coach was no sissy, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses. Now I don't want this to scare ya. But my bunkmate has malaria. You remember Jeffrey Hardy... They're about to organize a search party.Take me home, oh mother, father. Take me home, I hate Grenada. Don't leave me out in the forest where I might get eaten by a bear. Take me home, I promise I will not make noise or mess the house with other boys. Oh please, don't make me stay! I've been here one whole day.Dearest father, darling mother, how's my precious little brother? Let me come home if you miss me. I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me...Wait a minute... It stopped raining! Guys are biking. more...
I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money
It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life. There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen. The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a total fool!" The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink, and water without getting wet!"
Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people point and laugh at me!" The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a fair distance."
Then the hen spoke up. "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger ass or smaller eggs."