History Jokes / Recent Jokes
[Original Author: Richard Lederer, St Paul's School]
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a
student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably
genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through
college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
Camelot. The climate in the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of
the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular
cube. The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were
created from an more...
There was this sailor aboard a large ship, Jones was his name and he never lost a bet.
The week before he bet the captain that the ship was going to experience the largest storm in history, the captain said "there is nothing on the radar, your on". That night the ship experienced the largest storm in history and the captain lost $200. Tired of loseing to Jones the captian decided to transfer him to the the flag ship with the fleet admiral. He warned the admiral never to bet with Jones he never losses a bet. One day Jones came up to the admiral and said, I bet you $20 you have hodgkins podgkins desease. The admiral replied "what the hell is that, how do know if you have hodgkins podgkins desease?" Jones said well there is only one way to tell if you have hodgkins podgkins desease you stick a banana up your ass and if it comes out red you have hodgkins podgkins desease if it comes out yellow you dont." The admiral dropped his pants and stuck a banana up his more...
I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
2.Proper beer
3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5.Union jack underpants.
6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9.Ditto changing underwear
10.Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
6.You can more...
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
3. a. You can legally kill yourself
3. b. You can legally be killed
4. You're exactly like the Germans, without an uneery sense of guilt.
5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks
Copenhagen is your capital.....
6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.
9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your bike, blame the Germans.
10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of more...
A man with a long history of migraine headaches goes to see his doctor. The doctor does his history and physical and discovers that the poor man has had just about every therapy known to man for his migraines, and still, there has been no improvement.
"Listen," the doctor says, "I suffer from migraines too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't anything I learned in medical school, it's advice I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home and soak in a nice hot bathtub for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.
Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache disappears immediately. Give it a try, then come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns wearing a big grin. "Doc, you were right! I took your more...