Hole Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the followingconversation took place:First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come outgolfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will buildher a new deck for the pool."Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that Iwill remodel the kitchen for her."They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy hasnot said a word. So they ask him, " You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?' So she says, "Wear your sweater."

A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yardsright down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler andthe ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight athim. It hit him in the temple and killed him.He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked atthe big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, isthat correct?""Yes, I am," he replied.St Peter then said, "Do you hit the ball a long way?"The golfer replied,"You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn't I?"

A man walks into a pharmacy and says to the beautiful female teller, "Umm... err, I've never purchased condoms before, and I don't know what size to buy."
"That's okay. You can test your size on the fence out in back."
So the man walks out back and he sees three holes. Just as he prepares to stick his penis in the first hole, the beautiful teller sneaks over to the other side of the fence. The man sticks his penis through the first hole where it is gently caressed by the teller. Then he pulls it it out and sticks it through the second hole where the teller begins to suck his penis and give him a blow job. Then, finally, he pulls it out and sticks it in the third hole. The teller takes her vagina, wraps it around his penis, and begins to hump it. She quickly pulls up her pants and scurries back inside where the man is begining to stumble back in.
She starts to giggle and says, "Have you decided on the appropriate size?"
"Screw the more...

Once little Siripala was playing with sand in the garden, and his grandfather was watching him. Then suddenly he pulled out a worm from a tiny hole in the sand. The grandfather saw this and said, "I will give you ten rupees if you put the worm back to the hole". Siripala tried his best but the worm was not stiff enough to put into the hole. Then he brought a tin of varnish, and applied some on the worm, and left it for few minutes to dry. When the worm was dry, it became stiff, and then he easily put the worm into the hole. Siripala's grandfather said, "You did it boy! I'll give you your ten rupees tommorrow".
The next day the grandfather gave him twenty rupees. Siripala asked, "Why did you give me twenty?". Then the grandfather said, "Well; The extra ten rupees is from your grandmother, as an appreciation for your invention".

Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it, Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because I couldn't get him out of your cat."

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The more...

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."