Holiday Jokes / Recent Jokes
Conduct During the Holiday Season...
Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged.
Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.
(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)
Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house."
Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year.
All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.
Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.
Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged.
Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."
Conduct During the Holiday Season...Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged.Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house."Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year.All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged.Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."
Capitalizing on the enormous popularity of Sarah Palin, FOX has announced that the Alaskan governor will star in three holiday specials:
Dec 4--"There's No Place Like Nome for the Holidays"
Dec 10--"I Can See the North Pole from My House"
Dec 15--"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town--You Betcha!"
Conduct During the Holiday Season... Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged. Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house." Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year. All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001. Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans. Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged. Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."
This past weekend, I was doing some holiday baking. It was getting late and I was tired so I decided to leave the cleanup mess until morning.
The next morning, I was getting my coffee and I noticed thousands of little tiny footprints in the flour on the countertop. Needless to say, I wasted no time calling the FBI.
The FBI Special Crimes Unit arrived and sure enough, they confirmed that I did in fact have AntTracks.
Darn Terrorist!!!
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel.
hey, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share more...