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Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath.
Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.
A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes.
Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.
The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.
Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.
After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax. Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"
Diet for Stress How's your stress level? This should help. It is more than a diet, so read on... This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milkLunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookieMid-Afternoon snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream with nuts, cherries and whipped cream 1 jar hot fudge sauceDinner: 2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke 1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza 3 Snickers barsLate Evening News: Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)Rules for this Diet1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy jar are canceled out by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do. 4. Food used for more...
Barry and Thomas found themselves out of a job when the underwear factory in town shut down. But their boss said they could go to the LSU office, you know, the Louisiana State Unemployment office.
So as Thomas waited, Barry sat down at the desk and was interviewed by the woman at the desk.
"And what was your former occupation?" she asked.
"Me, I was a crotch stitcher. I specialised in ladies' underpants." Barry proudly replied.
So the lady looks it up in her big book and say, "OK, you're eligible for $50 a week."
"Hot damn, you mean I don't gotta do nothin' and I can get $50 a week. Man, that even beats crawfishin'!" Barry shouted.
Then Thomas sat down and the lady asked him the same question. Thomas looked her straight in the eye and said, "I was a diesel fitter."
She looked up in her big book again and said "Very good then, you're eligible for $100 a more...
1. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of
their way. This is what they live for.
3. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.
4. Remember: "Ya'll" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
5. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, a lot of folks learned to drive on a vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
6. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll more...
Real women don't have hot flashes... they have power surges.
Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door. A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath. The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub. Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor. After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax... Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"