House Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Attorney was riding home in his limo and noticed two men sitting on the side of the road eating grass, he told his driver to stop and investigate.

His driver went to the two men and asked, sirs why are you eating grass? The first man replied, I have no money and must eat grass. The driver told the Attorney. The attorney would not hear of it and said come to my house and I will feed you. The man stated, sir I have a wife and three children, and then the second man spoke up and said I have a wife and six children. The Attorney says it is ok bring them all, there is enough for everyone.

It takes about twenty minutes to get everyone into the car and they are on their way.Shortly after the two men are totally overtaken and are saying to the Attorney, sir I do not know how to thank you and we are not able to repay you, thank you for your kindness. The Attorney says to them do not worry about it, it is fine and plenty for everyone. You will love my house, the grass is more...

- Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo.
- Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
- Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
- Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose
- Yo Mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes
- Yo Mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs
- Yo Mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: "Free Willy! free Willy!"
- Yo Mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code
- Yo Mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise
- Yo Mama's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
- Yo Mama's so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance.
- Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck.
- Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her.
- Yo Mama's so fat, more...

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with
Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says
that,
it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they`re intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam.
"Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime
Minister,
please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father
has a
child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It`s me, Sir! "
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam. He hangs up
and
says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr.
President. Thanks a lot. I`ll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon
returning to Washington, decides he`d better put the Condoleeza more...

A
guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
it with the owner.
"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain. In
fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
ecstatic (being a Harley more...

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey be very careful when you drive the ball-don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses! Alright let's go up there, apologize, and see how much that's going to cost."They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side on the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke the window?""Uh yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - more...