Housekeeping Jokes / Recent Jokes

Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone.
Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds.
Martha's way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

My way: Buy a mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way #4: To prevent eggshells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard-boiling.

My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's way #5: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on more...

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop.
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral.
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead.
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away.
7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back.
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Any More!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In.
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In.
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink.
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. Giving Back to the Community: more...

Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I'm in the family way."The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.The maid replied, "Your husband and your son." Mrs Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation. "Well," Aimara explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say,' You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say' You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."

The Good Housekeeping Way #1
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice-cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway

The Good Housekeeping Way #2
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women's Way:
Buy Deb mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

The Good Housekeeping Way #3
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake
The Real Women's Way:
The Cheese Cake Shop sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

The Good Housekeeping Way #4
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
The Real Women's Way:
If you over more...

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.
He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."