Housewares Jokes

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms, randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking.2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.3. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.4. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers "I'll only invite you in if you bring pillows from the bedding department!".5. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?".6. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.7. While handling knives in the housewares department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.8. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.9. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "Pick me! Pick me!"10. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices more...

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local K -Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute more...

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,' Code 3' in housewares,... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a' CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask' Why can't you people just leave me alone?
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store more...

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when the aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares, and see what happens
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'.
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly more...