Housewife Jokes / Recent Jokes
A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! Im paralyzed! I cant get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. Youre kneeling on one of your tits."
Little Francine watched her father take a shower. She noticed his
testicles and asked him what they were. "Those are my apples," he
replied.
Later the little girl told her mother what Daddy had said. Her
mother smirked, "Did Daddy tell you about the dead limb they're
hanging on?"
The mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably
long penis. He called in his receptionists to show her. She took one
look and said, "That's just like my Harry's."
"You mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.
"No," she replied. "That dead."
One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and
was surprised to see a white bedsheet with a hole in the middle
hanging up in her living room. The housewife explained that she'd had
a party the night before in which the company played "Who's Whose" -
each of more...
Little Francine watched her father take a shower. She noticed his
testicles and asked him what they were. "Those are my apples," he
replied.
Later the little girl told her mother what Daddy had said. Her
mother smirked, "Did Daddy tell you about the dead limb they're
hanging on?"
------------------------------------
The mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably
long penis. He called in his receptionists to show her. She took one
look and said, "That's just like my Harry's."
"You mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.
"No," she replied. "That dead."
--------------------------------------------
One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and
was surprised to see a white bedsheet with a hole in the middle
hanging up in her living room. The more...
The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broke, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your husband, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong more...
A bored housewife in suburbia is entertaining her lover in bed one day as, unknown to them, her nine-year-old son is taking it all in from her bedroom closet. As luck would have it, the husband arrives home unexpectedly from the office and the surprised wife shoves her lover into the closet.
Son says to lover, "Sure is dark in here, isn't it?"
After jumping out of his skin and crawling back in, the lover replied that it was.
"Would you like to buy a flashlight?" asks the boy. The lover said he didn't think so.
"Sure would be bad if dad found out about this," observed the boy. The lover enquired as to how much the boy wanted for the flashlight and agreed to pay the $25.00 price.
Two weeks later, same housewife, same lover, same boy in the closet when husband again arrives home unexpectedly. Wife shoves lover into closet and son says, "Sure is dark in here, isn't it? Would you like to buy a fishing rod?"
The lover agrees to more...
A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie!
I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat.
You're kneeling on one of your tits."
The young, attractive housewife was a bit surprised when her husband's best friend dropped by one afternoon and offered five hundred dollars to make love to her. Thinking that the extra money would come in handy, she led him into the bedroom and fulfilled her part of the bargain. Later that afternoon, her husband returned from work. "Did David stop by today?" he asked casually.
"Yes, he did," she stammered. "Why do you ask?" "Well," her spouse replied, "he was supposed to return the five hundred dollars I lent him last week."