Interviewer Jokes / Recent Jokes
We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants.
The lowlights:
1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."
2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."
3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."
4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."
5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french more...
A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked,
"Do you have any military experience?"
The Marine replied, "Why, yes! I've been in the Marines for a couple of years."
"I see," said the interviewer, "any disabilities?"
The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. "Well... In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles."
The interviewer, quite shocked, said "All right, you're hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am."
"Wait wait!" shouted the Marine, "When do the others start? I don't want any special treatment just because of my disability."
The interviewer replied, "Well... I'll tell you the truth. Everyone normally comes at 7:00 in the morning, but nothing gets done until 10. All we do is sit around, scratching our nuts trying to figure out more...
A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked,"Do you have any military experience?"The Marine replied, "Why, yes! I've been in the Marines for a couple of years.""I see," said the interviewer, "any disabilities?"The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. "Well... In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles."The interviewer, quite shocked, said "All right, you're hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am.""Wait wait!" shouted the Marine, "When do the others start? I don't want any special treatment just because of my disability."The interviewer replied, "Well... I'll tell you the truth. Everyone normally comes at 7:00 in the morning, but nothing gets done until 10. All we do is sit around, scratching our nuts trying to figure out what to do."
Once Banta Singh attended to an Interview.
Interviewer: Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh: Ok
Interviewer: Made in India
Banta Singh: Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer: Keep it Up
Banta Singh: Put it Down
Interviewer: Maxi Mum
Banta Singh: Mini Dad
Interviewer: Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh: Don't take my seat
Interviewer: Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh: Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewer: I say you get out!
Banta Singh: You didn't say I come in
Interviewer: I reject you!
Banta Singh: You Appoint me
Interviewer: . ......................
See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably.Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say;' Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.'Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt:' The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don't ya' think?'After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with,' Of course I was totally hammered at the time.'Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.Claim you wouldn't even need a sit-in' job if Al Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent for-' 2000 Flushes'Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier. Ask if it's O.K. that you sit on the floor.Allow that you would have little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.Although parking is free, insist that they validate something or you're not leaving. Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up.Ask secretary if she'll sit more...
Interviewer: What is your father's occupation?
AhalyaP: Ics in summer, Hcs in winter.
Interviewer: Explain it?
Ahalya: He is an ice cream seller in summer & hot channa seller in winter.
There was this English Man, Scotch Man and an Irish Man going for a job interview.
They all had there induction exams, and where all called back one at a time.
The English man walks in first, and the interviewer says: "Well, you past your exam with flying colours! But theres one thing I like about a man and thats honesty, so can you notice anything odd about me?"
The English man looks and nods: "Yes, you've got one ear on the top of your head, and one at the side of you head!"
The interviewer was very pleased with the English mans honesty, and sent for the Scott. The interviewer goes through the same routine again and comes to the final question, and the Scott replies: "well, you've got one ear on top of your head and another at the side of you head!"
The interviewer again very pleased with the Sotts honesty sent for the Irish man. The interviewer precedes with the same rigmarole, and comes to the final question "Can you notice more...