Jack Jokes / Recent Jokes
Santa arrived in his village from Amritsar in a very sombre mood. His clothes were torn and the geography his body was like a picturesque place affected by earthquake, which had uprooted almost evrything.
When his dear friend Banta saw this state of Santa. He was in a state of shock. Banta enquired from Santa, the reason of this bad state.
Santa informed Banta that when he boarded the flight from Birmingham to Amritsar, he was looking for familiar faces to pass the journey. And he came across his colleague Jack, who was visiting India as a tourist.
Not able to hide my expression, I said, "Hi Jack" from a distance. And suddenly the Air marshals swooped on me and in no time, I was on the ground. On landing at Amritsar, I was handed to the Police and they are responsible for this sorry state. I was saved by the timely intereference of Jack and The Superintendent of Police, who turned out to be from my Wife, Jeeto's village.
Just before the start of the Christmas Eve Service, the minister
suddenly drops dead. Everyone looks around to see who will
conduct the services with a full house in attendance.
The president of the congregation looks at the vice-president and
as they try to decide what to do, from the back of the room Jack
the Junk Dealer yells out "I have a fantastic dog that sings
hymns, gives the best sermons you could ever hope to hear and
brings people to tears of joy."
With limited possibilities at the moment, they decide to give him
a try.
Up he goes to the pulpit and before you know it, the entire church
is crying with happiness. Now I have to admit it's a bit unusual,
but the fact is the members were happy and isn't that what
Christmas is about anyway?
Anyway, following the service, the president calls over the dog's
owner and offers to give him a contract until the minister can
be replaced. Just as more...
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my
penis erect, can you help me?"
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the
problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis
are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except if
you're willing to try an experimental treatment."
Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctor
explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a
baby elephant and implant them in your penis."
Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going
through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for
it."
A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to
use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his
girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the
city. In the middle of more...
Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100.00 bill.
Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed "I can't break this! I need exact change."
"Come on buddy." Jack pleaded, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?"
"Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answered the collector.
"While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, "Do you really like this job?"
"Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replied the collector. "what do you do for a living?" he asked.
Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
"A what?" asked the collector.
"A rectum stretcher." Jack replied, giving the collector a slideways glance.
"What does a rectum stretcher do?" The collector asked.
"Well just as the name more...
Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100.00 bill.Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed "I can't break this! I need exact change.""Come on buddy." Jack pleaded, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?""Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answered the collector."While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, "Do you really like this job?""Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replied the collector. "what do you do for a living?" he asked.Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, "I'm a rectum stretcher.""A what?" asked the collector."A rectum stretcher." Jack replied, giving the collector a slideways glance."What does a rectum stretcher do?" The collector asked."Well just as the name implies, I stretch rectums." Jack explained setting more...
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.