Jacket Jokes / Recent Jokes

"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was -'You'll never find anyone like me again!'I'm thinking,' I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone,' I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." "Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God more...

Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over. His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that."
"Just put the jacket on backwards." His friend advised. They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out.
A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police. They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?"
"Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"

Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick
themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort
in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the
dirt where it hides and whisking it away.
I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind
believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the
contrary - the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage
and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality; when he must
look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary
and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in
Juarez."
When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some
advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your
arm and head for the bathtub:
Know that although the cat has the advantage of more...

Two guys were roaring down a country road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over.
His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that."
"Just put the jacket on backwards," his friend advised.
They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out.
Banta came upon the accident and ran to call the police.
They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?"
"Well," Banta explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
Portsmouth, R.I. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and (2) later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.
Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he more...

Once upon a time, a guy was sitting at a bar. He was throwing money around, giving the barman hundred dollar tips and buying drinks for everyone. He was surrounded by a crowd of adoring women. The barman liked the tips, but he was kind of curious about a little man thatwould jump from the rich guys pocket. The little man would run up and down the bar, kicking over the bowls of peanuts and giving people the finger. Then the little guy would jump back into the mans jacket for a while. The barman went over and asked the guy what was up. So the rich guy says, "Well, let me tell you a little story. I was walking along a beach one day, and I come across this lamp. I rub it, and a genie popped out. I got three wishes, so my first wish was to be fabulously wealthy. Then I wished for a harem. You can see I got both."The barman asks, "So what about that little guy in your jacket?" "Oh, tha t," mumbles the rich guy. "Thats the twelve-inch prick I wished more...

The family of a woman who was a first class passenger on the Titanic sold the woman’s worn life jacket for $143,400 at an auction.

Afterwards, the family of the former first class passenger was called greedy when they tried auctioning off the extra six life jackets she was given.