Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked;
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam`s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him laying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I`m going to have a wife."
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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan more...

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said...
' Beautiful, more...

Little Johnny was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything, tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything that they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Johnny down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School. After the first day, little Johnny comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books and paper are spread out all over the room & Little Johnny is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner & to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for some time, day after day while the Mother tries to understand what made all the difference. Finally, Little Johnny brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table & goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at more...

Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?" Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

JOHNNY WAS DOWNSTAIRS PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS,ROLLING THEM ALONG ON THE FLOOR. ALL OF A SUDDEN HE STOPS THE TRAIN AND SAYS: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON. WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF, GET THE HELL OF."
THEN HIS MOTHER WALKS IN AND YELLED," JOHNNY, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SAY THOSE WORDS."
JOHNNY JUST KEPT ON PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS AND STOPPED THEM AND SAID: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON. WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF, GET THE HELL OFF."
HIS MOTHER OPENED THE DOOR AND YELLED: "JOHNNY, THE NEXT TIME YOU SAY THAT WORD YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR AN HOUR TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID WRONG."
JOHNNY DIDN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY, SO HE JUST KEPT PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS.HE STOPPED THEM AND SAID: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON.WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF,GET THE HELL OF."
JUST THEM JOHNNYS MOM STORMED INTO THE ROOM AND SCREAMED: " JOHNNY, GO TO YOUR ROOM more...

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."
The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very good," said the teacher.
The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"
Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said,' Oh God, I'm more...