Johnson Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"

The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.

The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."

Here's a joke I "appropriated" from an old TV show:
Police: Mr. Johnson, we have just arrested a thief carrying several
credit cards with Mrs. Johnson's name on them.
Mr. Johnson: Tell the thief he can keep them.
Police: But don't you want your credit cards back?
Mr. Johnson: No. He's been spending only about half as much as
Mrs. Johnson.

Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp? Everyone would be afraid to lick it.

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierandwas down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job.The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstateNew York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped aburley young man who seemed quite sure of himself."He looks like he cantake care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the firstapplicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carryyourself - that's an important asset for the job as cashier.However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out theplace on the application where we asked your formal education."Jim looked a little confused so the manager said,"Where did you get your financial education?""Oh," replied Jim - "Yale.""That's very more...

SERIAL KILLERS
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How did they find out Jeffrey Dahmer was a cigarette smoker?
They found a bunch of butts behind his couch
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite line of clothing?
Dis-Members Only
Jeffrey Dahmer had his mother over for dinner when she suddenly said,
"You know, Jeffrey, I don't like your neighbors..."
Which he responded, "Just eat the vegetables then..."
AIDS
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Doctor: "Your wife either has Ahlzeimer's or AIDS."
Husband: "How can we find out which?"
Doctor: "I need you to run a little experiment this weekend. Take
your wife to a park and leave her there. If she finds her
way home; don't fuck her."
What does MAGIC stand for in Magic Johnson?
My Ass Got Infected Coach
How did David Copperfield catch AIDS?
He was playing with Magic (D. C. has never been reported as having AIDS)
When asked how his daughter does not more...

What do you call Magic Johnson on rollerblades?
ROLLAIDS!

What do you call Magic Johnson on rollerblades? ROLLAIDS!