Judge Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.The judge says, 'OK.''Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after more...

Never Judge a Book by it's Author
Is O. J. Guilty?... Howard I. Know
Animal Illnesses... Ann Thrax
French Overpopulation... Francis Crowded
Fallen Underwear... Lucy Lastic
Downpour!... Wayne Dwops
Cloning... Ima Dubble
Irish Flooring... Lynn O'Leum
I Lived in Detroit... Helen Earth
Inflammation, Please... Arthur Itis
Handel's Messiah... Ollie Luyah
House Construction... Bill Jerome Home
Unemployed... Anita Job
Off to Market... Tobias A. Pigg
Holmes Does it Again... Scott Linyard
Home Alone IV... Eddie Buddyhome
Lewis Carroll... Alison Wonderland
Leo Tolstoy... Warren Peace
The L. A. Lakers Breakfast...Kareem O' Wheat
Neither a Borrower... Nora Lender Bee
The French Chef... Sue Flay
Tight Situation... Leah Tard
The Scent of a Man... Jim Nasium
Why Cars Stop... M. T. Tank
Wind in the Willows... Russell Ingleaves
Look Younger... Fay Slift
Mountain Climbing... Andover Hand
It's more...

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. Judge: What were you doing? 1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond. Judge: And what were you doing? 2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too."Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well? 3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!

Judge Claudia Jordan of Denver slipped a message to her clerk during a trial.
The note said:
"Blind on the right side. May be falling. Please call someone."
The clerk called 9-1-1. She told the judge not to worry, help was on the way.
The judge made a noise.
"I wanted someone from maintenance," she said.
The trouble was the window blinds on the courtroom's right side. The judge appologized to the paramedics when they arrived.

A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house. Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. "Where are they," asked the driver." You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is?" asked the incredulous judge." The courthouse? Of course I know where that is." replied the driver. "But I thought you said you wanted to go to the' halls of justice.'"

Judge: "I know you, don't I?"
Defendant: "Uh, yes."
Judge: "All right, tell me, how do I know you?"
Defendant: "Judge, do I have to tell you?"
Judge: "Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me."
Defendant: "Okay. I was your bookie."

A judge rejected Madonna’s bid to adopt a 4-year girl from Malawi. The judge expressed concern that Madonna may force the child to sit through her movies thus endangering the welfare of the child.