Kid Jokes / Recent Jokes

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."
The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humouring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the
moon, he not only gave his famous "One Small Step for Man, One
Giant Leap for Mankind" statement, but followed it by several
remarks - usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts and
Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the
enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning
some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However upon checking, there was no
Gorsky in either the Russian nor American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the
"Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5 1995, in Tampa
Bay, FL, while answering questibrought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. He finally
responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt
he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, Neil was playing more...

At a party, a woman was observing a child who would hold his chest whenever he bent down.

After a few minutes, the woman asked the kid, "Why do you hold your chest whenever you bend down?"

The kid said, "One day, my teacher was writing on the board, the chalk fell down, and when my teacher bent down to pick up the chalk, I saw her lungs come out of her chest."

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could.'God,' he prayed,' I really want a car.'Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.'God,' he prayed again,' I really NEED a car.'Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet.'Okay, God,' he said, getting down onto his knees again,' if you ever want to see your mother again...'

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling,' 'If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with,' 'If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.'' The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid,' 'What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!'' The kid smiles and says,' 'I would be a bus driver!''

Mommy, mommy: can I play with grandma? Shut up kid, you dug her up twice last weeek! mommy, mommy: I hate daddyis guts. shut up kid and keep eating. sent by omar

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. There's a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes." "I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust a used car salesman!" "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway! " The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. more...