King Jokes / Recent Jokes
theres this king and he has a daghter well he said who ever can resist my daghter i wont chop off your penis well that night he put glitter all over her body so the fallowing morning he said let me see your dicks the black guy had glitter on hid dick so the king choped it off then the white guy had glitter on his dick so he choped it off then the mexican didnt have glitter on his dick so when the king asked him how he resisted his daghter the mexican just smiled and he had glitter on his teeth
Three men were captured by
cannibals. They could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, I brought ten
apples. The king then explained the trial to him. You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or youll be eaten.
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it? more...
People here in Texas have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall nots" in the Ten Commandments.
Folks here just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, some folks out in west Texas got together and translated the "King James" into "King Ranch" language:
The Cowboy's Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas)
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin.'
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think? Y'all have a good day.
What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben? He found time-consuming.
A woman wants to surprise her husband by getting a tatoo. she goes to the parler and gets a tattoo of Mike Tyson on the right thigh, and a tattoo of Evander Holyfeild(sp) on the left thigh. she goes home and shows her husband. Her husband says, "That's supposed to be Mike and Evander? That doesn't look like Mike and Evander!" The wife starts crying and runs out. She's in the middle of the street, and she takes off all her clothes. She decides to ask the next man who walks buy if her tattoos look like Mike and Evander. She stops a guy and asks him, and the guy says, "No, they don't look like Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield, but the one in the middle looks a hell of a lot like Don King!"
Top Ten Least Popular Stephen King Novels
10. "The Man Who Died of Old Age"
9. "How Cujo Got His Groove Back"
8. "Here's Another One I Cranked Out In An Afternoon"
7. "Vacuumstarter"
6. "The Scary Windowless Corridor Next To The Oval Office"
5. "The Guy Who Accidentally Put Expired Milk In His Coffee -
He Didn't Drink It, But What If He Did?"
4. "The Scariest Part of This Book Is My Picture On The Back Cover"
3. "Inside the Kitchen At Your Local T.G.I. Friday's"
2. "Hi I'm Your New Neighbor, Richard Simmons"
1. "Satan's Independent Prosecutor"
Top Ten Least Popular Stephen King Novels10. "The Man Who Died of Old Age"9. "How Cujo Got His Groove Back"8. "Here's Another One I Cranked Out In An Afternoon"7. "Vacuumstarter"6. "The Scary Windowless Corridor Next To The Oval Office"5. "The Guy Who Accidentally Put Expired Milk In His Coffee -He Didn't Drink It, But What If He Did?"4. "The Scariest Part of This Book Is My Picture On The Back Cover"3. "Inside the Kitchen At Your Local T.G.I. Friday's"2. "Hi I'm Your New Neighbor, Richard Simmons"1. "Satan's Independent Prosecutor"