Kingdom Jokes / Recent Jokes

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom so long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was, "What do women really want?"
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. Arthur returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people told him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous more...

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.
The question was: What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous more...

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?.... What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was more...

It was getting a little crowded in heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.
The new law was that, in order to get into heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
The next day at 12:01, the first person comes to the gates of heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly says to the man,
'Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.'
'No problem,' the man says. 'I came home to my 25th floor apartment in my lunch hour and caught my wife half-naked and appearing to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give
up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
'Well, I ran out onto the more...

I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers. Here are the similarities I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices.
Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates
Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors
Heaven: Eternal
Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours
Heaven: Where old people go when they expire
Wal-Mart: Where old people go when they retire
Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God
Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone
Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God
Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers
Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin
Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint
Heaven: motto - EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully
Wal-Mart: motto - EDLP = Every day low prices
Heaven: Sam Walton - now a resident!
Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola - now on sale!

I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates
Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors Heaven: Eternal
Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours Heaven: Where old people go when they expire
Wal-Mart: Where old people go when the retire Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God
Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God
Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin
Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint Heaven: EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully
Wal-Mart: EDLP = Every day low prices Heaven: Sam Walton - now a resident!
Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola - now on sale!

Once upon a time, there was a king who had a daughter of marriageable age. As he was very fond of his daughter and he didn't want her to leave him, he made an impossible offer to his kingdom's men. He announced that whoever has two pricks would be eligible to marry his daughter. The invitation spread far and wide. Of course there were no one who came forth, and the king was secretly pleased. In another part of the kingdom, there were 2 woodcutter brothers, Jack & Jim. One day, they chanced upon a very big tree and decided to chop it down for it would fetch them a decent amount of money if sold as firewood. As they were about to chop it down with their sharp axes, a voice cried out, "STOP! Please don't hurt me! " The brothers were scared shitless when suddenly an apparition appeared from out of the tree. He told them that he was the genie of the tree and if they would to spare him, he would grant them a wish each. Remembering the king's offer of his daughter as bride, the more...