Kong Jokes / Recent Jokes

A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong:
1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. Gun wounds again?
4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
7. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
12. You daring lousy guy.
13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.
15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

And finally...
18. Take my advice, more...

In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. At a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. At a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run. A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Coolers and Heaters: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still more...

The American in Hong Kong was talking to his wife one evening over supper. "Get this..." he chuckled, "That ridiculous janitor of ours claims he's made love to every woman in the building except one." "Hmmmmmmmmm," said his wife, assuming a thoughtful faraway type expression, "must be that stuck-up Mrs. Stewart on the eighth floor."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
King Kong!
King Kong who?
King Kong's now part of China!

Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies
1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. You with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. Gun wounds again?
4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
12. You daring lousy guy.
13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.
15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
19. This will be of fine service for you, you more...

Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies
1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.2. You with your thick face have hurt my instep.3. Gun wounds again? 4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken! 7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here? 9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! 12. You daring lousy guy.13. Beat him out of recognizable shape! 14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair! 16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold? 18. How can you use my intestines as a gift? 19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and more...

A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong:
I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
Gun wounds again?
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
How can you use my intestines as a gift?
Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
You daring lousy guy.
Beat him out of recognizable shape!
I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.
I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
And finally...
Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
Rainy WWW