Ladies Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three little old ladies are sitting in a restaurant one day, talking about this and that. The first lady said, "You know, I'm really getting forgetful. This morning I was
standing at the bottom of the stairs and I couldn't remember if I was just about to go up or if I had just come down."
"Oh, that's nothing," the second lady said. "The other day I was sitting on the edge of my bed, wondering if I was going to bed or if I had just gotten up."
The third lady smiled pleasantly at the other two. "Well, my memory is just as good as ever, knock on wood."
She rapped on the table with her knuckles, then gave a start and said, "Who's there?"
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"
"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
Two men are having an awfully slow round ofgolf because the two ladies in front of themmanaged to get into every sand trap, lake, andrough on the course, and they didn't bother towave the men on through, which is proper golfetiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one mansaid, "I think I'll walk up there and ask thosegals to let us play through." He walked out tothe fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around and came back, explaining, "I can'tdo it. One of those women is my wife and the otheris my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them." The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfwaythere and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!"
Once Aman Was Lying On Birth Of A Train. Two Ladies Were Sitting On The Seats Under His Berth. Those Women Were Talking With
Each Other. 60 Year Old Woman-"Whats Your Age?" 70 Year Old Woman-"Iam 22 Years Old." 70 Years Old Woman-"Whats Your Age?" 60
Years Old Woman-"Just 2 Years Younger Than You." The Man Who Was Lying On The Berth Falls Down After Listening There
Talks. The Two Ladies Picked Him & Asked What Happened. The Young Man Answered I Was Practising To Be Born.
December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Agnes
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December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
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December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind.
Love Agnes
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December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
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December more...
Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they gofor a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, theywill get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girlwalking out of the ocean. She reaches into the topof her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly drycigarette and book of matches and lights up. Theladies go up to the girl and ask, "How do you keepyour cigarettes dry?" Her answer, "I put them insideof a condom." The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for acondom. When the pharmacist asks, "What size?" one ofthe ladies says, "It should fit a Camel."
Do you know what the height of hard upfullness is?
Two old ladies in an asparagus patch doing knee bends!