Lane Jokes / Recent Jokes

Britain decided it was time to switch left lane traffic to right lane traffic, as everywhere in Europe.
So they gather to plan the whole thing and nobody seems to come up with any viable solution, so they send out some help-me type faxes.
A couple of days later, answers come back. The French fax read: "As your neighbours, we are deeply touched you requested our help, etc. etc, but we have no idea at all how to do it".
The German fax read: "We are Germany, the most organized country in Europe, but we have not had this problem before and we do not know how to handle it".
The Polish fax read: "As you know, we are Poland, a country that has done a lot on the path towards democracy and economic resuscitation. We have a great deal of experience in such transition processes. But, as to overcome the inherent difficulties and to avoid social problems, any and all transitions must be done gradually.
So, it is our proposal to handle the situation in more...

When people get behind the wheel of a car, their true personality comes out. In California, the Department of Motor Vehicles knows this. Anyone can get a drivers license in California, I mean ANYONE! But to get a license to drive in Los Angeles, California, one must get a special endorsement on their license. Would you qualify for that special endorsement? Take this test, total your score and see.1: Which part of your car wears out most often?
a: the wiper blades
b: the belts
c: the horn2: Automatic door locks are good for...
a: security
b: convenience
c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in3: I hate the rain because...
a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions
b: I answered (a) to question #1
c: I just washed my car4: Please select the statement that best describes you.
a: I have never written in the dust on someone's car
b: I have written "wash me" in the dust on someone's car
c: I more...

One day, a teacher in a high school class was administering a test, and she noticed that four pupils were missing.

The first one came in.

"Why are you so late?" the teacher said to him.

"Sorry, miss," he said. "I''ve been up Penny Lane."

She told him to go sit down.

Then the second pupil came in.

"Why are you so late?" she said to him.

"Sorry miss," he said. "I''ve been up Penny Lane."

She told him to go sit down.

Then the third one came in.

"Why are you so late?" she said to him.

"Sorry miss," he said. "I''ve been up Penny Lane."

She told him to go sit down.

Finally, the fourth pupil, a girl, came in.

"I suppose you''ve been up Penny Lane, too, then?"

"No, miss," she said to the teacher. "I am Penny Lane"

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy hollow in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted, and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?" "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

Life in the fast lane isn't all it's cracked up to be. Nearly everyone
passes on the right nowadays anyway.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and Ray had rushed down to the local supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments. The big college game was going to be on, so he was having a few friends over to watch it.

The store was loaded with shoppers and as he headed for the six item express lane, the only one that didn't have a long line, a woman completely ignoring the overhead sign slipped into the check-out line just in front of him pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Ray was quietly fuming at the anticipated delay. But the elderly cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked ever so sweetly, "So Dearie, which six items would you like to buy?"

From the Detroit News, June 8, 1988
Dateline: Santa Ana, California.
A man was fined $58 after failing to persuade a judge that the
four frozen corpses in his van qualified him for life in the fast
lane.
Robert Hanshew, 25, of Westminster, who transports cadavers for a
mortuary service, was stopped March 21 for using a freeway car
pool lane reserved for vehicles carrying two people or more.
Jim Harvey
Michigan Bell Telephone