Laundry Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Texas A & M."
Dear Santa
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my two children on
demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases
of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground
and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash
with staples and a glue gun.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had
to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the
laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in
the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any
color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the
breeze but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy
aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since more...
The Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry
You're wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.
You've worn your sheets to school because you can't get them off of you.
Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.
Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus.
The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.
The DEA's drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.
Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.
The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans.
Your red T-shirt is now green.
The boss pulls you aside to remind you that more...
Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains. So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?" "Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his *right* leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his *left* leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash." "What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women." Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like *that*, you don't do the *laundry*!"
The following information was gained through much arduous research involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists of the most frequently asked questions of women (i.e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their behavior in accordance with the truths established below.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them more...
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How in hell does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like' Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go,' What your name?' He say,'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go,' Wh at your name?'" "I say Sem more...
The following information was gained through much arduous research involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists of the most frequently asked questions of women (i.e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their behavior in accordance with the truths established below.Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex? A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.Q: Should I have sex on the first date? A: YES. Before if possible.Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex? A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.Q: How long should the more...