Lay Jokes / Recent Jokes
Confucius say... Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Man who fly plane upside down have crackup. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town. Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk. A girl's best asset is her' lie'ability. Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger. Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard. Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing. Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down. Man with atletic finger make broad jump. more...
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other more...
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside-down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4
Repaint Cistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows' 95
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Fabrege egg.
December 12
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December more...
The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told
by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack.
His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support.
At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off.
Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive.
At 8: 55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off."
"Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
1. Ladies are prohibited from touching gentlemen's balls,
either with hands or clubs.
2. All holes must be kept clean.
3. Gentlemen making a hole-in-one, must change lady
partners in the second round.
4. Ladies are requested to remain quiet while gentlemen
are taking short strokes.
5. Partners are requested to off off together at each tee.
6. When the lady partner goes off first, the gentleman
must not delay the stroke but continue to play.
7. In cases where the lay is impossible, ladies have
the privilege of choosing a new position.
8. When the gentleman finds this impossible, he may
choose a new lay starting at least a ball's length
the hole.
9. Players are requested to refrain from playing any
holes under repair.
10. While the management strives to improve the course in every
way, they cannot be held responsible for the loss
or damage of balls in the brush or around the holes.
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside
down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for
answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a
cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows' 95
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.
December 12
Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for
decorative pie more...